One Month

1 Corinthians 1:7-9, "God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track until things are all wrapped up by Jesus. God, who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Master Jesus. He will never give up on you. Never forget that." the Message.

I have lived in Africa for one month now. I am sitting here trying so hard to think of something profound that I have learned or something really spiritual to say, because that is what missionaries are supposed to do right? For the first time in my life, I am at a loss for many words. The truth is, this last week I have been really homesick. The culture shock has worn off and I am settling into a schedule and routine. A schedule and routine that is completely new, and contains nothing from my life in the United States. It has been a roller coaster of emotions because I am still experiencing new and exciting things, but also missing things from home.

Today in church Louie, one of the missionaries, spoke on idolatry. He used the reference of Jeremiah 2:13, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” This homesickness that I am experiencing is causing me to realize how much worth I put in relationships back home, comfortability, and familiarity. So now, that these things are not so easily accessible in my life, I am realizing that they truly never satisfied my heart in the first place.  Time and again, I have looked to relationships to fill me up. I am learning, that God truly is the only one who can satisfy the deepest part of my soul. Everything else is a broken well that cannot hold what will satisfy me. It will leak and run dry. I will run dry if the Lord is not who I depend on for my every need and also the satisfaction of my soul and its deepest desires.

Here in Africa, my soul must be rejuvenated with my imagination of God. It says in Isaiah 40:26, “Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things.” Isaiah was reminding the Israelites to take their eyes off the idols they had created, and look at all the Lord had created, nature. I am blessed to be in such a beautiful place to be reminded of this lesson. My idolatry causes me to lose sight of all that God has done, and my imagination of God is starved, and when I am up against difficulties I have no power and can only endure in darkness. Lord please awaken this dead heart and help me to turn from the face of my idols!

 I love this quote from Oswald Chambers, “Imagination is the power God gives a saint to posit himself out of himself into relationships he ever was in”.

Mother

“’As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort You.’ says the Lord.” Isaiah 66:13.

This past weekend I experienced my first time of house mothering six children all by myself for four days. Let me confess something, I am SO ignorant about parenting, and I definitely do not feel mature enough to be responsible for six lives. If I had a reality show about this whole experience, it would be called “I just cleaned that!”. I learned that kids are the experts in this situation. Experts in making a mess, experts in pushing boundaries, experts in trying your patience, experts in ignoring you, but most importantly, experts in making you love them no matter what. The love I am developing for these children is the love of a parent, unconditional love. Love that is so deep, that it almost hurts your soul.

There was a point in the weekend where I asked one of the girls to go do something, and she told me she wanted to do it her way, not mine. It made me think of my attitude in serving. When God asks me to do something, do I continue to seek His guidance and provision or do I set out on my own path? I am learning this humbling lesson through parenting, that God has to destroy my determined confidence in my own convictions, “I know this is what I should do” and suddenly the voice of God speaks in a way that overwhelms me by revealing the depths of my ignorance. I have shown my ignorance of Him in the way I serve Him. I serve Jesus in a spirit that is not His, I hurt Him by my advocacy for Him because it is not of Him. My words sound all right, but my spirit is that of the enemy. “He rebuked them, and said, ‘Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of.” If I feel I have done my duty in serving Him, and yet have hurt Him, it was not truly my duty because it has not fostered a quiet spirit, but the spirit of self-satisfaction. Sometimes I imagine that whatever is unpleasant is my duty. But, my attitude should always be “I delight to do Thy will, O my God!”.

Thankfully God is good all the time. And, at least in my life, He has a great sense of humor. There are definitely rights of passages one experiences when being welcomed into motherhood. I had the pleasure of experiencing one during church when the one year old bit off the end of her bottle and shook its contents all over my shirt and then not more than an hour later continued to pee through her diaper all over my lap. Needless to say I did not have a lot of people come up and talk to me after church. But I found no greater purpose in my life than in this last weekend because it was ordained by my Father who loves me like one of these children.

The Great Physician

“If God so clothe the grass of the field…shall He not much clothe you” Matthew 6:30

I had my first experience with the African health care system this week. After about several days of high fevers, cough, aches, congestion, and night sweats, I realized it may not be the flu I was dealing with. So I finally told the missionaries and asked if they would take me to the doctor. You do not call and make appointments here, you just show up at the doctor and wait in line until it is your turn. I sat, for about an hour in line, scooting seat by seat to the front. Then, I was summoned to a room where I sat and waited for the doctor. As I told him my symptoms, he looked at me told me he thought it was a flu bug but had me lay back to look at my throat and tonsils just in case. When he did he had me sit right up and said “It’s not the flu, you have bacterial tonsillitis”. Apparently my tonsils were coated in the white pouches (like strep throat). So I walked out of the room and over the next room which was the pharmacy and they handed me little packets of drugs to take, anti-biotics, pain reliever, fever reducer, and a gargle mouth wash. I then paid in cash for the whole visit. Very simple.

Simple. I sometimes forget how simple God is. The simple truth is, that He provides for the birds of the air and the flowers in the field, will He not provide for me also?  In looking back, just at this sickness, did I even once pray and ask God to provide for me and heal me? Probably not, instead I looked to myself to tough it out, and when that did not work, I looked to man to provide for me. But God was faithful and provided the medical care that I needed. It is not wrong that I sought medical attention, it is that I did not let God play a role in that area of my life. Had I brought this request before God, might He have taken care of it so that I may have been able to accomplish more important things? This is what I am learning, total dependence on Him. I have been placed here in Africa for a time and it is my responsibility to let God make the most use of me. If I run around worrying and dealing with things myself, and not bringing them to the Father, I am refusing to grow where I am put, and, consequently, taking root nowhere? Oswald Chambers says that, “Consecration means the continual separation of myself to one particular thing.” I cannot consecrate once and for all, but am I continually separating myself to consider God every day of my life?

Mother Theresa had a quote that is very basic but carries so much truth, “The way of Christ is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, then keep on loving.” That is my job, plain and simple, to love. All else is in His hands. And that is the goal towards which I am striving. To be sweetly broken and wholly surrendered to my God who will meet all of my needs.

I feel like a kid again

“I remember…the kindness of thy youth.” Jeremiah 2:2.

I’m not sure if there is anything else that makes you feel like a kid more than living in an orphanage. We have 13 beautiful children here and all stages of life represented. Watching some of them just learning how to walk and talk, while the older girls are making plans for what they want to do with their lives, and a whole lot of mischief in between. I watch them read their bibles and say bible verses to me. There is a glow of excitement in the little ones eyes when they sing Sunday School songs, a glow that fades in most people’s lives as they grow older. It causes me to reflect and wonder, where has my childlike faith and wonder of God gone? There is no spontaneity anymore. I have to plan quiet times and devotions instead of eagerly bouncing around singing His praises at whim.  And instead of humility and awe, there is expectation that He will make things easy for me, and then there is resentment when things do not go as planned. This season of moving to another country has brought with it, a mindset of entitlement that I am ashamed to have brought with me. That because I have followed Him this far, I should be in control of what happens next…WRONG. The prayer that is flowing out of my heart in repentance today is that His love would ooze out of me. That I would be SO in love with Him, that I cannot help but radiate His love. And that I would find that exciting thrill and wonder of Him that existed in the beginning. It is that mindset that I strive to wake with each day. That I would not care about anything but Him, so that I do not care about where I go or what I do, and that I would not act in accordance of what I think I should do or give, but do everything as if working for Him, because I am working for Him.

Speaking of work, the city girl from Iowa side of me is really starting to shine. The nickname Casper the friendly ghost has been a real crowd pleaser so far and I have really come out of my shell in the garden. I’m not sure I will live it down from the children, after walking out into the chicken manure fertilized ground with grocery sacks on my feet. But despite how ridiculous I looked, the task of planting squash was accomplished. I brought along my gnome from the states, Phillip. He is loving the garden and the kids love to hide him in different places each day. But I think I am allergic to Africa. As one who has never had any trouble with allergies, I am perplexed at the amount of mucus my body is producing. Seriously, if they ever come up with a use for human mucus, I could retire and live well off the profits. The air here is so unlike Iowa weather. It is in the 80s and 90s here but the air is dry and enjoyable. But my goodness, there is something in the air here that has caused my sinuses to throw a temper tantrum like none other.

Live From Africa!

“Buried with Him…that…even so we also should walk in newness of life” Romans 6:4.

I joined the fad this New Years of picking one word to pray for myself throughout the year. That word was confidence. What I am starting to realize is the word I should have had picked is humility. After 20 hours of flying and a 14 hours layover in London, nothing is more humbling than a child sitting in your lap, upon your arrival, and saying “Hi Mamma Jess”. As I watch the children, I am learning that I have little clue to what I am doing, and have to ask several times how. Now that I have gone into the city, into a brand new culture, I realize I don’t know what things weigh in kilograms, cost in ran, or where in the world I am going. The one thing I do know,  is that I am at the center of God’s will for my life. There is a process that comes with change. A sort of dying to one’s old way of life and being completely open and accepting to a completely new outlook and way of life. I am coming to learn that the expectations I have for myself for the next year need to be handed over to the One who really is in control. For it is truly Thy will be done and holding on to my expectations and mindset will only lead to disappointment and hold me back from experiencing God's plan for my life.

When I arrived, I landed in Johanasburg. We stopped at the mall for lunch and went to the market to get beads and some souvenirs. We then set out for Welkom, which was about three hours away. The view on the ride began to look a lot like driving through Kansas, flat farmland. I even saw a couple of cows. But then I noticed the wire fence was about twice as high as one would find in the Midwest. Come to find out it is to keep the ostriches and giraffes off the highway, duh. It is still a little frightening driving on the left side of the road. Laws and regulations are more of a recommendation here, than guidelines for driving.  

On day one, Louie and Amber took me on a tour of Welkom and Tabong. It is astonishing how the United States seems another world away. We stopped by a graveyard and they explained how funerals are only held on Saturday, and because of the high mortality rate due to AIDS/HIV, they begin at four in the morning. We came across a freshly dug grave and a small dog had fallen in, so of course on my first day I jumped into a grave (just the hole, no body or casket Mom) and lifted the dog out. It’s what every missionary does right?

Most of the last couple of days have been spent falling in love with the children God has placed in my life. They are unique and each have a story that I pray God will bring to completion for His glory. My only hope on the journey is to be able to give up my comfort zone to be able to fully experience the new life God has for me and the work that He has for me to do.

"A characteristic of our comfort zones is that they have restraints. We will only go: so far in loving; so far in serving; so far in forgiving; so far in ministering; so far in witnessing; so far in giving; so far in sacrificing; so far in supporting and encouraging each other; so far in submissiveness; so far in our struggles against the spiritual forces of wickedness." ~Mark King

So, I wanted to set up a brand new blog to so that I can share with all of you my adventures in South Africa. But I don't want to discredit the journey that God has me on by deleting my previous posts. They are part of this crazy, beautiful story He is writing. From here on out, the blog will be called "Get in the Water!". I hope some of you can appreciate the movie line from the Notebook, possibly my greatest talent is remembering movie quotes, so I thought I would share this normally useless gift. In using this movie quote, I just wanted to use something catchy and familiar, but it actually relates really well to the scripture that God is using with me as we start this new adventure together. Here in Joshua 3, Joshua is about to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. The land that they are about to take over is right across the Jordan River. It is quite a daunting task to take a large group of people through a river. But God asks Joshua to take that first step of blind faith into the river and wait for Him to provide a way. After his initial step into the raging river, God parts the river and creates a way for the Israelites to walk safely across. This would not have happened if Joshua had not taken that first step of faith. This is something that I believe that God is asking me to do in South Africa. I have never been there nor have I ever been over seas. But I am getting a little ahead of myself here, let me back up a minute and share with you how this new path has been laid...

In the spring of 2012 our church, New Heights Church in Indianola, IA, began a partnership with Restoring Hope International down in Welkom, South Africa. Here, they run an orphanage for 13 children and they lavish them with the love of Christ, raise them up in their culture, give them an education, share the Good News and prepare a way for these children to live in society with hope of a future. At this time, I felt a strong conviction to be apart of the mission team that was going to be heading down in Fall of 2012. So I signed up. After a couple of meetings, my heart started to break for these children. I started praying for them and began to fall in love. I cried just thinking of going there and spending time with them for two weeks and then leaving them. What was wrong me with me, seriously? In June of 2012, God spoke more directly to my heart than He has ever done before. "I want you to go live in Africa for a year." Excuse me? I have crohn's disease, I don't have a passion for missions, and I like my life here! I quickly pushed the thought aside and dared not tell anyone for fear of further conviction. At the end of July we were having another one of our mission team meetings, this time with one of the families that helps run the organization. As we closed with prayer our pastor told the family that we, as New Heights Church, were praying to send someone to seve them for a year. His 14 year old daughter preceded to then kick me and tell me she could see me doing something like. UMMM...NO! I was immediately on the defensive once again, but God was not going to let up this time. So on my way home, after many words with God, I called my pastor and told him what God had put on my heart and asked if he would help me contact the organization. Things started to fall into place, a little to smoothly, I still was unsure and holding onto the fact that I had to be cleared medically. I went in for a pre op appointment to repair a tear in my colon, and low and behold the doctors could no longer find the tear and the surgeon gave me free clearance to move to Africa and wrote out a prescription for anything I may need if I get sick...OK GOD, I GET IT!

God has been so patient with this stubborn heart. He has been so good to provide people along the way to help me walk through the visa process, getting my plane tickets, mentoring and preparing my heart to live in another country and love people in a new way, and the most shockingly, receive all my funds of support. I was able to raise all the money that I need for an entire year in three months!
I can now say that there is no other place that I would rather be for the next year. There are no words to express the joy in being right in the center of God's will. It will not be shiny and pretty every day, life never is, but I know that God will be with me wherever I go. And that is all I need.
As the Christmas season is upon us, I cannot help but be inspired by Mary's obedience to THE toughest task that could be asked of someone. Her response, " “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Luke 1:38. May one day I have faith to walk in step into that water, without question.

My hopes for this blog is to keep you all updated on my journey in South Africa. I thank you all for all of your love and support.

Waiting time is not wasted time

Waiting by Linda Dillow

Desparately, helplessly, longingly I cried. Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate.And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait!"

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers. I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heart? By faith I have asked, and am claiming your Word."

"My future and all to which I can relate hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a yes, a go-ahead sign, or even a no to which I can resign."

"And Lord, you promised that if we believe we need but to ask, and we shall receiveAnd Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry, I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate. As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut and grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting ....for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine. And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give and pleased you would be.You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair.You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.You'd not know the joy of resting in me,when darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love. As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove.You'd know that I give and I save...(for a start).But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night. The faith that I give when you walk without sight.The depth that's beyond getting just what you askedOf an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee. What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true. But, oh the loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So be silent, my child and in time you will see, that the greatest of gifts is to get to know me. And though oft may my answers seem terribly late. My wisest of answers is still but to wait."

Micah 7:7 - But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.