John 1:4-"In him was life, and the life was the light of men."
When I think of missional living, I think of going overseas and loving on children or helping build a church. I think of supporting a child in Africa or helping pack Meals for the Heartland. All these different avenues of giving seem to have a feel good component to it, the satisfaction of knowing you are helping someone else. Those all sound like great callings, and they are. But lately I have been struggling with a less glamorous calling for my life, being sick, everyday. How can this bring God glory? Why on earth does this have to be MY calling? There isn't hope in an incurable disease. These are the thoughts I struggle with daily. I was diagnosed almost 3 years ago, but now I can't even remember what it feels like to not be sick. Quite the pitty party don't you think...
STOP...HAMMER TIME
As I attempt to break tear down these lies and build up new walls of truth, I feel unworthy. In Mark 5 there is the story of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years! She had been outcast by her family, friends and community, and she had spent all her money in attempts to be healed. She had nothing left. So she reached out and touched the trim, the very edge, of Jesus' robe. Instantly she was healed physically. But what gets me, is that as she was trying to sneak away, Jesus turned around in a group of hundreds of people and asked, "Who touched me?". Of course He knew, but He didn't want to stop at just her physical healing, He wanted to express His love for her so that she may be healed emotionally and spiritually also. Jesus doesn't give us what we believe we need. He gives us what He knows we need, and He gives it out of love for us, deep, undeniable love.
Jesus' whole life was to come, serve, love, and die a horrible death. Even He cried out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?".
God does not want us to pretend our faith. He calls us to live with questions draped in assurance. Assurance of knowing His plan is greater than mine, and that if I live a life in submission to His will, "He will never leave me nor forsake me." God does not look down on us as we suffer. He is right there hurting with us, and frustrated with the same setbacks as we are. He is not a distant Father. The love that God has for us is unprecedented, outrageous, and overwhelming... If we let Him.
So each day is a battle. Usually a different battle, never the same. All I can do is wake up, submit to His will, and ask for the strength to obey it. More times than not, I fail. But I remember that I am loved just the same on the days when I think I have done a good job as on the days when I know that I have blown it. All I know that this is my calling. To walk in sickness and believe that He will use it to bring Him glory. In my obedience there is hope to one day be cured. Like the bleeding woman, if I don't try, I can't be healed. Jesus is the eternal place of promise, the place where a miracle can happen-because for every problem, there is a promise.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Driving the Grump Truck: God is good ALL the time
Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Oscar the Grouch ain't got nothing on me lately. I have lulled myself into the mindset that I deserve to be heatlhy and when I am not, that I deserve to go to the doctor and he will give me the means towards feeling better. If I will myself through exercise, diet, lifestyle change, etc. I should be able to make myself feel better, right? But no where in that scenario am I leaving room for God to work. Each time this happens, I am left with shattered expectations and hopelessness begins to set in. I have been to countless doctors appointments recently and none of them have yielded satisfying answers or promises of a cure. A friend sent this excerpt to me today and I must admit, I am ashamed to say I have not been faithful in my dependence on God, but failing horribly on my own strengths. What joy I "should" be experienceing through these opportunities, to rely totally on my Savior, and watch through His faithfulness as He provides in better ways than I could ever imagine. It is so irritatingly (yes that is now a word) true when I am told time and again that I have this disease to bring God glory. It is my calling. I choose to submit today to His will and not my own.
Excerpt from My Utmost, Oswald Chambers
. . . that you may know what is the hope of His calling . . . —Ephesians 1:18
Remember that you have been saved so that the life of Jesus may be
manifested in your body (see 2 Corinthians 4:10). Direct the total
energy of your powers so that you may achieve everything your election
as a child of God provides; rise every time to whatever occasion may
come your way.
You did not do anything to achieve your salvation, but you must do
something to exhibit it. You must “work out your own salvation” which
God has worked in you already (Philippians 2:12). Are your speech,
your thinking, and your emotions evidence that you are working it
“out”? If you are still the same miserable, grouchy person, set on
having your own way, then it is a lie to say that God has saved and
sanctified you.
God is the Master Designer, and He allows adversities into your life
to see if you can jump over them properly—”By my God I can leap over a
wall” (Psalm 18:29). God will never shield you from the requirements
of being His son or daughter. First Peter 4:12 says, “Beloved, do not
think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as
though some strange thing happened to you . . . .” Rise to the
occasion—do what the trial demands of you. It does not matter how much
it hurts as long as it gives God the opportunity to manifest the life
of Jesus in your body.
May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality—a
readiness to face anything He brings our way. The only proper goal of
life is that we manifest the Son of God; and when this occurs, all of
our dictating of our demands to God disappears. Our Lord never
dictated demands to His Father, and neither are we to make demands on
God. We are here to submit to His will so that He may work through us
what He wants. Once we realize this, He will make us broken bread and
poured-out wine with which to feed and nourish others.
Oscar the Grouch ain't got nothing on me lately. I have lulled myself into the mindset that I deserve to be heatlhy and when I am not, that I deserve to go to the doctor and he will give me the means towards feeling better. If I will myself through exercise, diet, lifestyle change, etc. I should be able to make myself feel better, right? But no where in that scenario am I leaving room for God to work. Each time this happens, I am left with shattered expectations and hopelessness begins to set in. I have been to countless doctors appointments recently and none of them have yielded satisfying answers or promises of a cure. A friend sent this excerpt to me today and I must admit, I am ashamed to say I have not been faithful in my dependence on God, but failing horribly on my own strengths. What joy I "should" be experienceing through these opportunities, to rely totally on my Savior, and watch through His faithfulness as He provides in better ways than I could ever imagine. It is so irritatingly (yes that is now a word) true when I am told time and again that I have this disease to bring God glory. It is my calling. I choose to submit today to His will and not my own.
Excerpt from My Utmost, Oswald Chambers
. . . that you may know what is the hope of His calling . . . —Ephesians 1:18
Remember that you have been saved so that the life of Jesus may be
manifested in your body (see 2 Corinthians 4:10). Direct the total
energy of your powers so that you may achieve everything your election
as a child of God provides; rise every time to whatever occasion may
come your way.
You did not do anything to achieve your salvation, but you must do
something to exhibit it. You must “work out your own salvation” which
God has worked in you already (Philippians 2:12). Are your speech,
your thinking, and your emotions evidence that you are working it
“out”? If you are still the same miserable, grouchy person, set on
having your own way, then it is a lie to say that God has saved and
sanctified you.
God is the Master Designer, and He allows adversities into your life
to see if you can jump over them properly—”By my God I can leap over a
wall” (Psalm 18:29). God will never shield you from the requirements
of being His son or daughter. First Peter 4:12 says, “Beloved, do not
think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as
though some strange thing happened to you . . . .” Rise to the
occasion—do what the trial demands of you. It does not matter how much
it hurts as long as it gives God the opportunity to manifest the life
of Jesus in your body.
May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality—a
readiness to face anything He brings our way. The only proper goal of
life is that we manifest the Son of God; and when this occurs, all of
our dictating of our demands to God disappears. Our Lord never
dictated demands to His Father, and neither are we to make demands on
God. We are here to submit to His will so that He may work through us
what He wants. Once we realize this, He will make us broken bread and
poured-out wine with which to feed and nourish others.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
“The Devil tempts that he may ruin and destroy; God tests that He may crown.”
James 1:2-4 - "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Tests...gross. I have never been good at tests. On algebra tests in high school I was the kid, who when asked to find x, circled it and moved onto the next problem. But what is the purpose of tests? To find out what we have learned and be able to apply it? This disease has required me to undergo many tests, or as I like to refer to them, forms of human torture. Imagine this, you haven't been able to eat all day, because you are required to fast the day before. You try to discretely sneak into the pharmacy, and in a ninja like fashion, make your way up to the counter, trying to remain unnoticed. But there is one problem, EVERYONE and their mom has decided to get the flu shot that day. When it is finally your turn you whisper to the pharmacist "i need a half gallon of Go Lightly (yes this name is in fact ironic. Have you ever seen the Drano Plummer commercial? That's what the Go Lightly does to your insides. There is nothing "light" about it). With luck, the elderly lady, who probably requires hearing aids is working the front counter. She she yells, "WHAT?". To avoid the embarrassment of having to say it again, you hand her the script. Doctors really should be required to have legible penmanship. Not being able to read the script, the elderly woman attracts the attention of several other employees and now the customers behind you are growing restless. Finally you give in an say aloud "I NEED GO LIGHTLY". Your evening plans have now been made public to everyone in the store. The drink they hand you comes with flavors, lemon, cherry, lime and orange. It truly takes like you ate one of these fruits, vomitted it up, mixed said vomit with water and drank it again. Take shots of vomit drink every ten minutes for two hours and wait for the 'Drano Plummer Effect' to take action. A good DVD will usually get you through the next couple of hours and then slowly moving to bed, as to not to reawaken the tired beast inside, trying to get out. The next morning you arrive and begin prep for the test. They put you in an area of stations separated by curtains and hook you up to a drip to keep you hydrated. You soon realize that the elderly people love to get scoped because "nothing is better than getting cleaned out", and they are not afraid to tell you about the latest recipes involving prunes. Finally it is your turn to be wheeled into the testing room. They begin a sedative drip that does not put you to sleep but makes you unable to remember anything. If they were to accidentally give you too much, it could have embarrassing effects, such as telling the doctor "I bet I have the nicest ass you will see all day", or refuse to put your clothes on afterwards. Then for some reason, after having this "amnesia" medicine administered and the test over with, the doctor finds it appropriate to tell you what he found. This only causes you the patient to ask your parents "what did the doctor say?" every ten minutes because the sedative is still in your system.
This long drawn out process is all a mean to getting answers. Answers that can be applied to help me live life more efficiently. The more I look at it, the more I realize this is the same process is the same way God tests us. He convicts us with the Spirit (embarrassing moment at the pharmacy), cleans out the sinful nature (vomit drink), and then searches our hearts to reveal truth (actual scope) and then leads us down the straight and narrow which allows us to live life more effectively for Him.
I'm sure everyone has learned this lesson in a more "normal" fashion, I guess this is just another example of how I am living proof that God does have a sense of humor.
Tests...gross. I have never been good at tests. On algebra tests in high school I was the kid, who when asked to find x, circled it and moved onto the next problem. But what is the purpose of tests? To find out what we have learned and be able to apply it? This disease has required me to undergo many tests, or as I like to refer to them, forms of human torture. Imagine this, you haven't been able to eat all day, because you are required to fast the day before. You try to discretely sneak into the pharmacy, and in a ninja like fashion, make your way up to the counter, trying to remain unnoticed. But there is one problem, EVERYONE and their mom has decided to get the flu shot that day. When it is finally your turn you whisper to the pharmacist "i need a half gallon of Go Lightly (yes this name is in fact ironic. Have you ever seen the Drano Plummer commercial? That's what the Go Lightly does to your insides. There is nothing "light" about it). With luck, the elderly lady, who probably requires hearing aids is working the front counter. She she yells, "WHAT?". To avoid the embarrassment of having to say it again, you hand her the script. Doctors really should be required to have legible penmanship. Not being able to read the script, the elderly woman attracts the attention of several other employees and now the customers behind you are growing restless. Finally you give in an say aloud "I NEED GO LIGHTLY". Your evening plans have now been made public to everyone in the store. The drink they hand you comes with flavors, lemon, cherry, lime and orange. It truly takes like you ate one of these fruits, vomitted it up, mixed said vomit with water and drank it again. Take shots of vomit drink every ten minutes for two hours and wait for the 'Drano Plummer Effect' to take action. A good DVD will usually get you through the next couple of hours and then slowly moving to bed, as to not to reawaken the tired beast inside, trying to get out. The next morning you arrive and begin prep for the test. They put you in an area of stations separated by curtains and hook you up to a drip to keep you hydrated. You soon realize that the elderly people love to get scoped because "nothing is better than getting cleaned out", and they are not afraid to tell you about the latest recipes involving prunes. Finally it is your turn to be wheeled into the testing room. They begin a sedative drip that does not put you to sleep but makes you unable to remember anything. If they were to accidentally give you too much, it could have embarrassing effects, such as telling the doctor "I bet I have the nicest ass you will see all day", or refuse to put your clothes on afterwards. Then for some reason, after having this "amnesia" medicine administered and the test over with, the doctor finds it appropriate to tell you what he found. This only causes you the patient to ask your parents "what did the doctor say?" every ten minutes because the sedative is still in your system.
This long drawn out process is all a mean to getting answers. Answers that can be applied to help me live life more efficiently. The more I look at it, the more I realize this is the same process is the same way God tests us. He convicts us with the Spirit (embarrassing moment at the pharmacy), cleans out the sinful nature (vomit drink), and then searches our hearts to reveal truth (actual scope) and then leads us down the straight and narrow which allows us to live life more effectively for Him.
I'm sure everyone has learned this lesson in a more "normal" fashion, I guess this is just another example of how I am living proof that God does have a sense of humor.
Monday, May 7, 2012
"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance."
Ecclesiastes 3:1&4 -"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:...a time to weep and a time to laugh,a time to mourn and a time to dance,"
My name is Jessica, my friends have other names for me (hence the username), but you can call me Jess. In July of 2009 I was diagnosed with a mild form of Crohn's disease. I think Wikipedia does a good enough job explaining it as "is a type of inflammatory bowel disease that may affect any part of the gastrointestinal tract from mouth to anus, causing a wide variety of symptoms." Since my diagnosis, I have been poked and prodded, and had every test under the sun ran on my digestive system. I guess, the purpose of this blog is to share what I have learned along the way, encourage any of you who may be dealing with a chronic and incurable illness, describe the work God has done on my heart along the way, and provide you all with a little comic relief about dealing with crohn's disease. If I have learned anything so far, it is that God does in fact have a fantastic sense of humor. I am living proof.
My name is Jessica, my friends have other names for me (hence the username), but you can call me Jess. In July of 2009 I was diagnosed with a mild form of Crohn's disease. I think Wikipedia does a good enough job explaining it as "is a type of inflammatory bowel disease that may affect any part of the gastrointestinal tract from mouth to anus, causing a wide variety of symptoms." Since my diagnosis, I have been poked and prodded, and had every test under the sun ran on my digestive system. I guess, the purpose of this blog is to share what I have learned along the way, encourage any of you who may be dealing with a chronic and incurable illness, describe the work God has done on my heart along the way, and provide you all with a little comic relief about dealing with crohn's disease. If I have learned anything so far, it is that God does in fact have a fantastic sense of humor. I am living proof.
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