For there to be shadow, there must be light...

John 1:4-"In him was life, and the life was the light of men."


When I think of missional living, I think of going overseas and loving on children or helping build a church. I think of supporting a child in Africa or helping pack Meals for the Heartland. All these different avenues of giving seem to have a feel good component to it, the satisfaction of knowing you are helping someone else. Those all sound like great callings, and they are. But lately I have been struggling with a less glamorous calling for my life, being sick, everyday. How can this bring God glory? Why on earth does this have to be MY calling? There isn't hope in an incurable disease. These are the thoughts I struggle with daily. I was diagnosed almost 3 years ago, but now I can't even remember what it feels like to not be sick. Quite the pitty party don't you think...


STOP...HAMMER TIME


As I attempt to break tear down these lies and build up new walls of truth, I feel unworthy. In Mark 5 there is the story of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years! She had been outcast by her family, friends and community, and she had spent all her money in attempts to be healed. She had nothing left. So she reached out and touched the trim, the very edge, of Jesus' robe. Instantly she was healed physically. But what gets me, is that as she was trying to sneak away, Jesus turned around in a group of hundreds of people and asked, "Who touched me?". Of course He knew, but He didn't want to stop at just her physical healing, He wanted to express His love for her so that she may be healed emotionally and spiritually also. Jesus doesn't give us what we believe we need. He gives us what He knows we need, and He gives it out of love for us, deep, undeniable love.  
Jesus' whole life was to come, serve, love, and die a horrible death. Even He cried out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?". 
God does not want us to pretend our faith. He calls us to live with questions draped in assurance. Assurance of knowing His plan is greater than mine, and that if I live a life in submission to His will, "He will never leave me nor forsake me." God does not look down on us as we suffer. He is right there hurting with us, and frustrated with the same setbacks as we are. He is not a distant Father. The love that God has for us is unprecedented, outrageous, and overwhelming... If we let Him.
So each day is a battle. Usually a different battle, never the same. All I can do is wake up, submit to His will, and ask for the strength to obey it. More times than not, I fail. But I remember that I am loved just the same on the days when I think I have done a good job as on the days when I know that I have blown it. All I know that this is my calling. To walk in sickness and believe that He will use it to bring Him glory. In my obedience there is hope to one day be cured. Like the bleeding woman, if I don't try, I can't be healed. Jesus is the eternal place of promise, the place where a miracle can happen-because for every problem, there is a promise.