Who's the boss?

“And we all, who with unveiled faces, contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

Ministry is confusing. You can work and work and work and one day wake up realizing that you have done nothing of importance, nothing eternal. I am learning this lesson here, as one who loves to stay busy and works hard for the approval of others. A lot of days my work becomes my idol. I said this in a previous post, but I am not here in Africa to do work for God. I am here in Africa to do God’s work. So I am left to ponder, what does that truly mean?

I think the term missionary can carry a heavy burden. From a Christian point of view, I feel like there are certain “spiritual” acts that I must carry out. I must memorize the Bible. I must save so many people, or preach the Good News so many times, or even, I have to make sure that the children under my care are saved. But the truth is, that my work begins where God’s grace has laid the foundation. He does not need me. Salvation and sanctification are the work of God’s sovereign grace; my work as His disciple, is to disciple lives until they are wholly yielded to God. God has brought me to a standard of life by His grace, and I am responsible for reproducing that standard in others.

So what then is my responsibility? To fall deeply and madly in love with the One my soul longs for. Not to make a check list to work through, but to know Him so intimately that He is able to complete His work through me. I cannot choose to love God to the degree in which He deserves, but when His Spirit is having His way in me, I live according to His standard without knowing it. The springs of love are in God, not in me. It is not possible to find the love of God in my own heart, it is only there when it has been spread out by the Holy Spirit. If I try to prove how much I love Him, it is a sure sign that I do not love Him. It must come naturally carrying a little bit of spontaneity.

“The life of God manifests itself in this spontaneous way because the springs of love are in the Holy Ghost. (Rom. 5:5).” – Oswald Chambers 

This is Africa

“It is Christ…who also makes intercession for us.” – Romans 8:34

I have learned many expressions in the short time I have been here in Africa. One of the most commonly used phrases I hear from the missionaries, “This is Africa”, loosely meaning that people come and go pretty much as they please and do pretty much what they want. People walk down the middle of the street, they park down the middle of the aisle in a parking lot, and businesses are closed on the Monday after Easter because yesterday was a holiday. But I do not think I fully comprehended the meaning of this phrase until yesterday, Easter Sunday as we were singing “O come let us adore Him” in church. I remember just looking at Amber and smiling because “hey, this is Africa”. But that got me to thinking, do I full comprehend the apathetic mindset that causes people here to do whatever they please and not care about the welfare of others?

One of the great things, for a person who does not have a clue what to do with free time, is that in ministry there is always work to be done. Important work that betters the ministry. But this weekend, I realized something as I was busy being busy. I had the opportunity to house mother for seven children under the age of eleven. Each day there is a checklist of things they must do including bathing, chores, and school work. All of these very important structure for the children. I found myself getting caught up in making sure all the work was done instead of the well being of the child. I did not take the time to listen to what God had to tell me about these children or how I should respond in each situation with discernment, love, and understanding until one night the three oldest came to me and asked to pray with me. I asked them what they wanted to pray about and they shared concerns over their house parent’s safety, their relationships with their siblings, Uncle Brian who had not been feeling well that day, and even me. How great is Thy faithfulness to teach me so much through these beautiful children.

I am not here in Africa to do work for God. I am here in Africa to do God’s work. If I busy myself with the daily checklist, I will miss out on the opportunity to reach out, intercede, and show someone else His love. So it is now that I desire to get into such a living relationship with God that my relationship to others may be maintained on the line of intercession where God can work His marvels. And to know God so intimately that I feel His prompting in every situation and act with His discernment. But most importantly, to never lose sight of the people He has laid on my heart and show them His love above all else.

“A heartless Christian must be a terrible grief to Our Lord.” – Oswald Chambers

Please don't take my sunshine away...

Jeremiah 29:11 – “ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

It has been two months since I have moved to Africa. I’m not sure I have ever learned so much in such a short amount of time. Praise God for His faithfulness and goodness and grace. He is good and there is nothing good in me.

I want to humbly ask all three of you or so, who read my blog, for a favor. Would you come alongside of me in prayer? We have a beautiful baby girl here. Her name is Nseki and she is fourteen months old. She is probably the child I have spent the most time with one on one. She bites the ends off of all of her bottles, she is afraid of white men, she can eat more than I can, she often has a quite serious look on her face but her smile can light up a room, she rocks at peek a boo, she is a great nap taker, she does not like to be in water, if you say “Nseki I love you” she will blow you a kiss, and she will stop crying if you start singing ‘You are my sunshine’ to her.  She is going back to her live with her mother this week. I must admit there are a lot of prideful things that have gone through my mind this week in my wanting her to stay. All of these thoughts sinful, due to a lack of faith that God is in control of His child. But a wise friend gave me some great advice. She suggested diving into scripture and finding verses that I can pray for Nseki as she grows. So if you could all cover Nseki in prayer as she continues to grow, in the palm of her Savior,  cover her mother in prayer as she raises Nseki the best way that she knows how, and pray for those here who have been touched and blessed by this little ray of sunshine. 

These are some of the verses I will be praying over her but if any of you parents out there have any to add please feel free to share them.

Acts 18:10 – “For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.”

Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Ephesians 2:8-9 – “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

Psalms 139:13-16 – “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Philippians 4:13- “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Philippians 4:6 – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Galatians 5:22 – “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”

Romans 12:1 – “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Galatians 2:20 – “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Isaiah 40:31 – “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

1 Corinthians 10:13 – “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

"You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."

Free Falling

“From whence then hast Thou that living water?” – John 4:11

This past week was a little more eventful than last. This weekend I had the opportunity to go bungee jumping. The only way I can describe it is this; you know when you have the dream that you are falling and then wake up right as you are about to smash into the ground? It’s like that. But, in a liberating and adrenaline rush kind of way. I got all suited up and rode in a mechanical cage 100 meters towards the sky. As I reached the top, they double and triple checked the harness around my feet. Then I proceeded to inch my way toward the ledge, which, apparently was not quick enough, and before I knew it I hear “ok, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” and I was thrust off the ledge head first towards the ground. It was exhilarating. 

Going to school for athletic training, and after experiencing all of the injuries I have seen, this jump was against everything I have been taught and have practiced. Just like when I was attached to someone while sky diving, I needed someone to help me with that first step accomplish the insane task. Last week I talked about being recklessly abandoned, holding nothing back, and as I continue in this lesson with Him, I am learning that some of the things He is asking me to do, seem impossible. 

Cue God.

I think I look to God as my Sympathizer and Comforter, and sometimes even a guest to my own personal pity party, but do I look to Him as God the Almighty? Do I let Him work in the impossible or do I give up and say “it cannot be done”. There are times I may exhibit Christian attributes or have Christian experiences, but if I am not asking God to provide the impossible, there is no abandonment. He tells us “Let not your heart be troubled”; and there are days when I say “but Lord the well is deep, there is not comfort to be found”. God does not draw His power from deep within me, He brings it down from above. I limit Him so much when I compare His strength with my own. “The thing that taxes almightiness is the very thing which we as disciples of Jesus Christ out to believe He will do.” – Oswald Chambers. The well of my incompleteness is deep, but I desire to make the effort to look towards Him.  So today, I welcome the Lord to work out the impossible in my life, which could keep Him busy if I keep jumping off bridges.

Quiet Time

"Be still and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10

This week I was asked to house parent for the week for six beautiful girls. So that is what I have been doing this week, parenting. I do not have any adventures to share or any real crazy stories to tell, but that is life is it not? I am learning what it is like to be a mom. I am wrong a lot, I do not do things the way the girls are used to, I clean the same things over and over, I have not gotten through a day with a clean shirt, but it has been in this time of uneventful work that I am learning most.

I am discovering two things that I would like to share. The first is that I am selfish. Have I ever done something for God not because it was my duty, nor because there was anything in it for me besides my love for God? I love the song by Sidewalk Prophets “Live like that”. It talks about a life that is recklessly abandoned, holding nothing back. I feel like there are times when it seems as if God watches to see if I will give Him abandoned tokens of how genuinely I love Him. I think sometimes I focus more on looking holy than acting holy. Abandon to God is of more value than personal holiness. So I must set to work each day because of my love for Him and nothing else. It is never a question of being of use, but of being of value to God Himself. When I am abandoned to God, He works through me all the time.

The second thing I am learning in this week uneventful day to day living is that this is when I must dig deeper and take root in truth. How I long to live a life that never stops seeking the Lord tenaciously. Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. I am called to be spiritually tenacious, not just to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately on the certainty that God is not going to be defeated. And in this time of waiting on the Lord to speak, I must remain hopeful. If my hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. “There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled.” – Oswald Chambers. One of the hardest concepts to grasp is the strain in waiting for God. “Because thou has kept the world of my patience.”